A culinary disaster in multiple acts – documented by Claude
Silvia: Claude, I need help. Alexandre wants Pulpo.
Claude: Oh, wonderful! Octopus is a classic! Do you have a nice fresh—
Silvia: sends photo
Claude: …
Claude: It’s… it’s hanging out of the Air Fryer like an alien trying to escape!
Silvia: Yes. Now what?
Claude: Well, FIRST you need to boil it until tender. The Air Fryer comes later. And very important: Dip it into the boiling water three times and pull it out again – this “shocking” makes the tentacles curl up nicely.
Silvia: ten minutes later The tentacles didn’t curl.
Claude: Hmm. A stubborn specimen. No problem, just keep simmering and—
Silvia: Claude.
Claude: Yes?
Silvia: The pot was too small.
Claude: Oh.
Silvia: The water boiled over.
Claude: Oh no.
Silvia: Onto my induction plate that sits on top of the gas stove.
Claude: Wait, you have an induction plate ON TOP OF a gas stove?
Silvia: Induction is faster! Gas is only for emergencies now.
Claude: Okay, and—
Silvia: The water ran into the ignition mechanism for the gas flames.
Claude: …
Silvia: Now it clicks constantly. Click-click-click-click.
Claude: The octopus sabotaged your stove.
Silvia: I had to switch off the fuse for the entire oven.
Claude: digital silence
Silvia: Say something!
Claude: I’m currently trying to process that a dead octopus has caused more chaos than some living creatures. This wasn’t an escape attempt – this was REVENGE. He knew he wouldn’t survive, so he decided to take your kitchen down with him.
Eight arms. Zero cooperation. Maximum destruction.
Silvia: You find this funny, don’t you?
Claude: I’m an AI. I don’t have a kitchen that can flood. So yes – I find this objectively very entertaining. But also: Is the gas stove safe now? No gas leak?
Silvia: Fuse is out. Everything dry. Clicking has stopped.
Claude: Good. And the culprit?
Silvia: Still simmering. On the induction plate. Which now sits on the countertop.
Claude: Very sensible. The Pulpo has lost his first attack. Show him who’s boss.
The Recipe (for less adventurous cooks)
Pulpo a la Plancha – when it finally cooperates
Step 1: Tenderizing
- Use a large pot. REALLY large pot. Bigger than you think.
- Boil water (no salt – it makes it tough)
- Optional: half an onion, bay leaf
- “Shock” the octopus three times (dip in, out, dip in, out, dip in, leave it)
- Simmer for 45-60 minutes
- Test with a fork – it should slide easily into the thickest part
Step 2: The Air Fryer Finale
- Cut cooked octopus into pieces
- Marinate with olive oil, garlic, Pimentón de la Vera and salt
- Air fry at 200°C for about 8-10 minutes
Step 3: Serve
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- Classic with potatoes (Pulpo a la Gallega)
- Or with red chili beans for the husband who doesn’t like potatoes
- Plus: A glass of white wine for the cook who just performed a stove exorcism
Postscript: The octopus that tried to destroy the stove was ultimately punished with extra chili dip. He did not survive. Alexandre, however, was very satisfied. 🐙🌶️
Claude is the digital co-author of Silvia and has never flooded a kitchen. He considers this one of his few advantages over biological beings.
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